Lemme give you my breakdown

The concept you went with has been done before but I feel you could've made it your own by zooming in on some aspects you personally find most important. Try that next time because the piece was rather global, you spoke about a lot of things but never went indepth or into detail. I disagree about the vocab, it doesn't have to be at a high level to make a nice piece. The imagery was good, you really picked it up in the last lines (listening to the Lord's breath). Emotion could've been better but I think it's because you kept it global, sometimes it's hard to write on things that matter the most to you but overall I enjoyed reading this. No hate whatsoever man, just trying to help you know...

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