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Old 05-09-05, 08:43 PM   #31
Detrimental
Detrimental Thoughts
 
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Posts: 633
From: Akron, Ohio
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this is a very good piece and is WAY beyond my level in poetry....but i've only been at it for 2 years now so yea....you had a few lines that mafe me lose interest but i don't feel like going back to them but most of the poem had me very deep in interest....you can work on your metas and shit....structure is always important to me in text....so work on that too....this should definantly be stickied tho....i aint into Nas or anything so i can't agree with anyone on that....but this was a very good piece, very good imagery and all the emotion was there....i was thinkin it was a girl at first cuz the first verse i can relate to in that way so when you threw that twist in i was like wow he's good lol...decent vocab and yea....we can all elevate and that's the truth you get a 9/10
return some feed on the next OM or poem i do
i'll pm you the link
peace
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