not to bad bro..at first it didnt seem to rhymes and I saw it as a poem more than s ong..but as I slowly got thru it I began to catch your flow and see some a your rhymes.

emotion in this is good,structure could be a bit better. rhymes could be better and additional vocab wouldnt hurt either..try some solid metaphors and similies in it...

Overall it wasnt too bad, you got a good style.