Ya know what i was feelin the content. Even though it was kinda negative depending on the way in which you look at it. The structure was well balanced overall, and it flowed well.
As dizzee said i think you've produced better material and are capable of producing a much better piece, but don't get me wrong, you shouldn't be disheartened though cos i think this piece is ok.
Just try to be more creative and expand on your vocab in future.
I'd give this piece like 6.5/10