yo i wuz likin dis 1 mayne. I thought dat verse 3 wuz da best doe b/c of da way it flowed nicely n shit. Ur struture wuz str8 on da verses but da structa 4 da chorus wuz sorta fucked mayne work on dat. I like ur lyrical wordchoice, and also u used da rite wordz in lotz of da rite places.
LEMME BREAK IT DOWN

Legend:
So many fucking dreams and not one of them came true
I see no peace, and hell to me seems like a rendezvous
^^^OPENER WUZ STR8 GOOD WAY TO GET INTA DA THEME
Heaven may be a dream but my faith will always remain
I’m going to keep trying and my loving will always sustain
The Devil is playing around with my only happy viewings
Sometimes people tend to forget that even I got feelings
I asked for a solitary path and yet god had give me two
I had no occasion at all. Once I saw I just had to choose
To make it to heaven you’re going to go through hell
Obstacles won’t be ignored even though I’m compelled
Like everyone else, before I learned to walk I had to crawl
But every single day I feel like I’m only getting up to fall
I can’t see my path what is going to be lighting the sky
Hate is all I see & people never cared when love passed by
^^^GREAT CLOSURE I LIKED UR CREATIVITY AND THOUGHTFULLNES ON DAT 1

everything in b/w the opener and closure wuz pretty good i liked ur whole verse except 4 a few lines dat didnt make much sense. Keep doin wut u doin, ya shit wuz decent mayne. Jus keep workin on it.
Overall Average Verse-7/10

Atticus:
The World Frail As Hail Storms Form, A Girls Fetus Impaled
By Needles Of Evil, America Bleed Us! It Seems Unjust In Scale.
^^^VERY VERY DEEP......MADE ME REALLY THINK
Another Pregnant, Loving Mother Shuving Mother's Pressures Letting
A Stressing Belly Nothing But Her Mothers Lectures Setting
Swelling On Anxiety's Long Awaited Dwelling... "Thanks Baby.
THANKS FOR THIS SHIT! I WAS SEEN AS A SAINT!, Maybe
If I Kill It Before Morning Or Even Leave It It Will Be Plain
Dismissed From A Christian Mistake This Damned Play Erased."
So Abortion By Force Once More Tried, Now Ordanance
For ARich Daughter Who Asumes Shits Out Of Her Cordinants.
Peer Pressure... Dont Let The Pressure Veer Self Choice
Cuz You Never Know What Never Was More Then Choice.
And This Is Our Community, Lucy Smith Gone Off The Deep End
And Conformed... Aborts Her Child While All The While Her Breath Still Weakend.
^^^O.K CLOSURE COULDA BEEN BETTA

This piece wuz deep. Dere wuz lotz of partz dat made me think. I liked dat. U had great flow throughout da whole piece and ur structure wuz nice. Wif diff wordplay in some parts dis piece wudda been
copastetic nigga!
NICE VERSE: 8/10

The Revelation
What do I want to change? I want to change the pregnant teen looking for an option,
To make her go through with the birth and put the child up for adoption.
^^^I LIKE IT ALOT BRINGS DA TOPIC INTA PLAY GOOD JOB
For the young one having to go through a painful operation,
And to the athlete who is missing meals to prove to his coach he has dedication.
To the young man throwing himself to a girl and landing on his face,
I want to change how he thinks he has to act in order to get a date.
I want to change the way people fight to resolve problems like animals,
To the ones out there eating each other and planting fear into others like Hannibal.
I want to change the priest who abuses his power and hurts little boys,
Only a matter of time until girls become part of the authorities toys.
I want to change teachers who don’t care and leave their students out to dry,
I want to change how bullies feel the need to pick on others to hide how inside they die.
I want to change the reputations of the south and the north and peace to this land,
I want to change how people disrespect and destroy beaches by filling it with fake sand.
But mostly I want to change my industry that is losing its values,
Veering away from lyrics and becoming about bling, swearing, rides and shoes.
If I never go down in history I want at least one thing to be said,
For me, it was never about the bling, chicks, or anything that deals with that.
It was only about living life and saying how I saw it, no matter how corrupt it seemed,
But then this is all what I want to do, and to make reality you must first wake from a dream.
^^^GREAT JOB CLOSURE TIED DA WHOLE PIECE TOGETHA N I WUZ FEELIN DAAT

ya verse wuz neerly flawless da flo, structure n word choice wuz on da spot. i loved da theme of it n errthing wuz jus really thoughtful n creative. Great job on dis verse its by far da best one out of da three. Keep doin wut u doin mayne
GREEEAT VERSE-9.5/10


OVERALL PIECE -8.16 avg
i liked da whole thing all yall did a good ass job
stay up n keep at it
~LM~
........1

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