well if you are new to poetry, i can say add me so i can help you with your writing bcuz it seems that you r trying to write poetry the same way other poeple are and its not really working, add me on aim or msn

AIM:khatharsis101
MSN: khatharsis101@hotmail.com

i will help you on writing poetry a prose.

but this was pretty good for a first goer at it.