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Old 06-18-05, 07:54 PM   #10
femmina
New to RV
 
Posts: 67
From: new britain, connecticut
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nicely done. most multis weren't forced, wordplay was good, also. However, some words seemed a little forced, like when you said "unseated" i knew u meant run away, but it just sounds kind of odd, u know? Some lines seemed irrellevant to the rest of the verse, like "made way through stops, cuz i've trampled these signs" < i get what signs you're refferring to when you say 'stops,' but it just seems like it's the kind of line that would have a double-meaning to it. Vocab was good, but it could improve. Overall, it was a very nice drop. Peep mine please and thank you
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