Long as I'm here, someone will love you
I didn't see it clear until I tried to rise above you
Almost full grown but I didn't see why
Standing in futile tears was a privilege of mine
times i cried I didn't pay attention
To the sorrow of souls
Hollow the cold
Borrowed the mold
Of angst as it was fed me by Carl Jung and Freud
As my supposed destiny
Left the stress suppressed in me
Depressing me recklessly
I only wished to be
A
little
girl
Grown in the concrete
Amongst bricks and weeds
Dicks and trees
always overshaddowed me
Saw how dad abandoned me
Tried to be the child he wished he had in me.
You had me
All alone
Tried to hold me
in the way that I needed to be held
Tried to make me feel the way I needed to have felt
But I die in the tragedy that I'm
Daddy's little girl
And daddy's little world
Ended with him running away
With another little girl
I used to love the way he
Loved me
Loved me
Hated the way he
Loved me.
Loved
me.
He
didn't
love
me.
None of me.
One
of me.
I
Made
daddy leave.
All he wanted to do was
Love me.
Cold off the
Zoloft
End it all
with
Tegretol
Hold back
the Prozac
I
Don't
Feel right.
These nights
I must fight
Burning sands at my feet
Making vaporized tears
an exercise in futility
Humility
20 Years
Since I did this to me
I needed to end me
Because I
Remembered me
And what I caused
Him to do.
to me
To you.
I needed to leave the pharmacy alone.
Harmony of moans
Heaven's alone
And it needed my there.
Devil wispered to me
And said he'd
Lead me there.
He didn't care.
Devil Daddy didn't care.
i
Went to the 7-11
left their
Sleeping pills bare.
I didn't share
Didn't know
You were there.
Surprise visit
From a soul
Lost of all hope.
Mom
I
Didn't
Know
You
Were
There, I
Mightn't have done it.
I'm sorry,
You gave me this life, but
I didn't want it.
Opiate and hemlock
Drool
Taste of a fool
Chasing the tools
Of self destruction.
Worse than the pain of death at one's own hand
Is hearing the shriek of your mother
As you exit this land.
Noooo!!
Screamed the bullet
Into my mother's soul.
My body was still warm
As my eyes began to close
Noooo!!
Screamed the happiness
As it left from her eyes.
Endless whispers of regret
As I thwarted her surprise
I wanted to go
By
A window of hope
I didn't know if
That existed no more.
Now
I
Know
The sadness of eternity.
Now I know a hell
As I stand in these fires.
A little girl
Once again.
Only to live as a ghost
Never to hold
The hopes of my mother
As I watch her
Cry her
Self to
Sleep.
I can
Only stand
And cover
My fears.
Try not
To hear
Her cries
Damning
me.
Damn.
Me.
He only wanted to love me...