good stucture the flow is decent, emotion is very well the thing i didnt like was that you play rv like its real life, like these cats is really your homeboys, like to be honest man dont take thes einternet sites so serious most people is probably nerds, some not but anyway imagery was nice my most favorite bar was this:

I'll admit I was kinda a dickryda, but I can explain this perfectly
You were my homeboy,it was loyalty,I dont push away family...

good bar, keep it up man just try not to think of his more of a game, but really its not a game, kinda even ya feel me, 1

rtf links in the sig.

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