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Old 07-12-05, 01:15 PM   #9
Gongshow.
Flyweight
 
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Posts: 160
From: Barrie, ON
IP:

this was a great piece. nice finisher, topped it off with an exclamation mark.

your best lines were:

Cops beatin people to within an inch of they life
Jus because the pigments in they epidermis ain't white

this had a great flow and rhyme scheme with nice vocab. there was some pretty deep emotion poured into it, showing how pissed off you are with society.. i thought you could have made a slight improvement on imagery by using more descriptive words throughout the piece. other than that it was solid, check out

"My mirror Image"
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