Voted For: artÃ-stica~Mente
This was a hard one to vote on.. Both of you stretch your lines like theres no tomorrow ---------________--------- Stretched lines makes these things REAL long and tedious to read.. But to be honest, I was feeling tweetys verse more. I understood where she was comming from and the story painted a more clear image than what I could pick up on when I was reading daub's verse..
I can’t believe I was hypnotized by you, and tightly bound in your spell till December
^That was a nicly put together line..
Only things you needa work on with topicals is to try and make them into more of a rap song, use more multis, dont stretch lines and remember to only write stuff you would spit on a track. Best way to do this, is just by playing a beat and writing to it as if your writing a song.
Daubs your shit was good, it was just at times I didnt know where you were going with it, I realise you were talking about a fling with some chick, but you would of benefitted from using clearer references, like actually telling the story mixed in with the emotions you were trying to express. Wasnt a bad topical though and you beat tweety on rhyming technique only slightly. But the overall vote has to go to tweety..
Just dont write as stretched lines next battle rofl
