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Old 07-16-05, 06:50 PM   #7
Sean Gunner
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Voted For: Barz&Penstripes

Barz
Listen I destroy legends like crash dummies and drug addiction
This prophecies young 100% bullshit unrealistic born of fiction
A statement and self glorification.
After me u'll need oven mittens & robotic arms to grasp da mic
Its Common to sense "the bitch in yoo" like Hermaphrodites
Bad wordplay and self glorification yet again.
In your Sig Hov is apparent within a blue backdrop embarassed
Go fig ur flows soft like Qtip ends and Gaylord Fockers parents
Bad metaphor and punch.
A gunblast to the head would help you better off the mental
Get the lead out your ass you might write better off the pencil
Gunplay and a bad punch = Boooo
This is friendly fire a display of Cain and Abel in sentence
Punch this pussy in the mouth leave'em tampons to spit with
Bad set up and horrible punch.
Clean his lips with, sulk, moan and bitch with, alone I pitch dis
In reality get your chin check and broke like asian dishes
Bad punch and self glorification.

Basically you just need to elevate. Your metaphor and similies are weak and you self glorify too much. Work on making personals and real punches.

Prophecy
Introspective...dahhs and do's from idolizing fools/
I awake to bake, quake, and demolish you/
First off, fix your structure. Self glorification and no punch.
recieve ha's and oooh's from fantizing spoofs/
from the lyrical Armageddon i cast upon this goof/
Self glorification.
You couldn't destroy anything if i gave you a wrecking ball/
and the weather is surely hot but ya rhymes are not at all/
Bad punch.
In time you'll realize everyone had tried and failed/
but you i make an example hanging you on a wall with nails/
Bad punch and a hint of self glorification.
Like before i said i shall come like a thief in the night/
Your finished! cuz your more played out the white boy's pickin up mic's(hahaha)/
Name isn't that played. Yours is though. Bad punch.
I pause time just second to think of the next line/
thinkin to myself "Nigga i'ma kill em' wit this rhyme!"/
Self glorification.
Stupid wannabe Microphones are rappers...Cool?/
and ya fuckin lines are shittier than a sample of dog stool(dog shit)/
More of a statement then a punch. Filler.
I come wit more tracks than a CD see!/
and i rhyme harder than them niggaz on Smack DVD/
Self glorification.
and the name barz&penstripes that's so confusing/
and i flip more niggaz the fucking circus amusements//
Self glorification and a bad attempt at a personal.

Your verse sucked. Plain and simple. No real punches, just bad attempts. WAY too much self glorification. Make your structure easier to read, cuz most people won't vote if the verse isn't in an easy to read structure. Try the way I spaced your bars out.

Both need to elevate and make more original punches.

v- Barz&Penstripes
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For Anyone Who Wants to Talk to Me

^^I think this explains my view on gangster rap perfectly.