-You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

- Job interfering with your drinking.

- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

- Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

- Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

- You can focus better with one eye closed.

- The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

- You fall off the floor...

- Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

- At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh.

- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

- The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

- Don't recognize your wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

- You have no idea where your wallet is. (or pants)

- You believe that dancing with your arms over your head and butt wiggling while yelling woo-hoo is truly the sexiest dance move around.

- You suddenly get the urge to kick someone's ass, and seriously

think you could actually do it.

- You drop your 3am SHAWARMA on the floor (which you're eating even though you're not hungry), pick it up and continue eating.

- You start crying and telling everyone that you love them sooo much.

- There is less than 3 hours before you're due to start work.

- The person you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher.

- The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.

- Your eyes no longer stay open on their own, so you keep them half closed thinking it looks exotically sexy.

- You suddenly take up smoking and become really good at it.

- You yell at the bartender for giving you plain lemonade, but you really can't taste the gin anymore.

- You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor.

- You start every conversation with "don't take this the wrong way, but..."

- You fail to notice that the toilet seat's down when you sit on it.

- You're tired, so you just sit down wherever you happen to be and take a quick nap.

- You begin leaving the buttons open on your pants to cut down on the time you're in the washroom away from your drink.

- You take off your shoes thinking that they're the reason you can't walk straight.

- You keep flashing your breasts and asking people for beads - despite the fact that you're not at Mardi Gras.

- You notice that for some reason the ladies' room has urinals.

- You're the only person at the bar that doesn't have a mullet.

__________________
fuck you

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