Topic Likin The title..got me thinkin what your shizzle could b about y a know..
Content
I liked the content yo..this shit applied on like 3 different levels to me, the piece was short in length but real deep and effective...hmmmm you should b in poetry league!!!! i was feeling it
Structure
Concise and PRecise....worked beautifully
Imagery
Vivid..really felt ic ould see everything
Emotion
you had fuck all emotion screamin out 2 me, werent really feeling anything from it...however poetry is not principally about emotion...still would be nice to have a lil bit
Devices (metaphors/similies etc)
Your diction was nice..and language wroked really well...however metaphors n similes were greatly lacking, however the poem still worked n created imagery...you did well to do that...liked these lines:
Strong, brave, good men they’re named
Medals don’t cure anguish and pain
Stained by vaccines that seem to protect
Exposed to disease and cared with neglect
Problems
hmmmm...i dunno..ill re-read anuva time
Improve
up vocab...up poetic devices - alliteratioon etc etc tec

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