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Old 08-04-05, 11:36 AM   #8
Rile1
The Emcee Shogun
 
Posts: 500
From: Hayward, CA
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great multies first of all.. great structure... but its not good to end ya lines with an it unless its like " I couldnt handle it" or sumthing, cuz when read it seems really weird, but since this is also and audio track im guessing that works then. Keep writing man, I give it a 6/10 cuz the story was a lil boring and u ended it really bad, it needs to be longer, but flow and multi's were on point.
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