I see you had fun with the effects lol

Let me break it down.

Mic presense/delivery: Aight I'ma help you with this.
You seem to keep a mono tone voice through the whole thing.
That bores people.Like have an emotion in every line.
Like throw some powerful pain in your voice.No matter what you're saying.
Your emotion effects the mood of the song.You can say the same shit in a different
way and it'll turn out completly different. But since you had a mono tone voice
it was in the gray.The more emotion the more it effects people.You NEED to effect.

Flow:Keep a steady pace.I need to be able to nod your head to every setup
and punchline.And you went off and on.ON some spots you had it and then it
and then it went right back off again.Just when u get the beat make up a flow right
there and then fill in the blanks.Like this "dadada bop dadadada bop".Like a draft.
Then fill in the blanks with words.Its a tough process but you are improving.

Chorus:Oh make a better chorus lol Microsoft rap meant internet rap right?
Basically when you make a chorus always split it into 3 or 2 things.
Have a chant for the people to remember easily and have something to sum up
the song with.

its real simple once you get deep into it.

You're getting better obviously so keep trying and ignore the big weanies like
new method Take this crit and save it maybe and use it anytime you're lacking
in a specific area.


buhbye