this peice needs alot of work...
i liked some of the rhymes
but they need to be structured better..
i mean this peice's flow was all over
the place.. couldnt find a good
flow.. kept gettin thrown off
you could be a good emcee no doubt
jus work on the following...

1. make each line end at the same point
this helps with your flow alot..

2. pick a topic.. and stick to it

3. as you progress in ya structure
you can add larger vocabulary and
get into some multis and metas
but for now stick to structure

return tha favor my dude.. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203072

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