Sith Sense.....
To come and to think I could ever have a good relation
Like some chemicals endangered my skin like a mutation
^ definetly liked that a lot, it was the 1st thing that stood out as I red your piece...

Like the yesterdays of the days pasts and the future of tomorrow
^ that line would've been better if it wasn't repetative, we know that "yesterday" and "days past" are the same, you should've done it more abstract and related your past thoughts of the future and vice versa for the next part...

As my feelings started to feel and my actions started to act I saw facts
I tried movement, the heart started to attack, like if i just had a cardiac
^ more lines that's kinda repetative in content, we know "actions" "act" so you shouldn't actually SAY that...and "cardiac" is the medical terminology for "heart" so that's repeating yourself too...

from there down the piece was nyce, I liked the imagery in it and how you changed the scenery to everything else being a dream seQuence...pretty nyce work cuz the rest of this saved the entire thing from those middle bars...

[color]Still Motion.....[/color]
Secluded within the walls of my skin
Couldn’t frown as paralysis set in
^ that stood out a LOT to me, the wording of it was great...

Numbed to hugs and Deaf to sweet words,
Blind to smiles, muted thoughts forever
^ more hott lines, I could "feel" this happening, you described the emotion in those words perfectly

VOTE (by far): Still Motion

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