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Old 08-15-05, 07:00 PM   #19
~Lady Fiya~
~*Duchess of Metaphors*~
 
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Posts: 4,458
From: chi-town
IP:

decent drop, the emotion was great as well as imagery.. the only tip i'd give you would be to measure your piece with enough metaphors, a few multis would be nice.. and a more complex rhyme scheme try to expand your vocab... this was pretty short, i would like to see another verse added to this if possible.. but for as it is, it's pretty decent.

stay up kid.
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