Your Sample
1st Verse
Lyrics....
Aight this gonna be the hardest for you. I can tell you’re used to writing cuz you have straight words not many pauses in your verse offside from the end of snares. You just keep going on and on… Which is okay until you start jamming too many words and rushing to finish up bars to hit snares. But the lyrics themselves, I can’t make out everything you say because you are wayyyy under the beat. From what I could hear; however, you have a really simple rhyme scheme. DO NOT worry bout switching up the rhyme scheme right at this moment.
Voice/Presence...
Great choice of beat for your voice. Your voice is light, this heavy beat sounds good under it. There is a problem tho, you have an extra weak presence. You don’t need to turn the volume up on your this, you‘re just too quiet, period.
Emotion/Delivery...
You need to get comfortable and stop being afraid to express what you say. Even people with light voices (Eminem), can get people to be shook up by their voices. You sound like you barely got your lines memorized. You don’t sound confident at all in this sample. Give yourself another day to memorize the lines first… then repeat it in front of a mirror as if you were recording and ask yourself would you believe the shit that’s coming outta your mouth. As you go on, you gotta gain confidence so others believe the words you present.
Flow...
Flow is not all about hitting the snares. You rushing your lyrics to hit snares. That’s not good at all. I can see if you were doing it while riding the beat. But if you can’t do it creatively, restrain from doing it in the first place. So DO NOT do it at this point.
Overall
Since I only critiqued one track you put up. This might not be valid to every track you do, but for this one. Your presence is what you should focus on. Let people hear you. Don’t hide behind the mic. That’s what you need to do first. Then, for Emotion and Delivery, feel your lyrics. Have them memorized don’t be in a rush to put out your verse and have it sounding like you are reading. Take your time and let the verse come out your mouth naturally. Once you got your presence and delivery to a certain confidence level, you can work on your lyrics and an appropriate rhyme scheme.