Ite..I like the complex hook.You seem to have a good idea of what it is you are sayin and all.Some lines were really good,like the Halo 2 one and spray/freshens air one.

But..I think the concept you used was a little bland.Been done a lot.And your vocab was really elementary.Now I'm not telling you to go and grab a thesauras and use exotic words for every line.NO.Just upp ya vocab up a bit...but don't overdo it..Nah mean?Esspecially for this kinda topic..too much vocab is a no.But you can neva make a whole song with bland vocab.And the wording was bad.You know..some words just didn't seem to fit in right.

work on vocab and wording and you'll be fine.keep it goin.~1~

RTF PLEASE

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204095