Ok...I like the new rhyme scheme ya got here.First time I'm actually seeing you use some multis..so that's a good.Vocab was good as usual.Wording in this peice was better than your verse with Fate.

But..the concept of the song.Too cliche.I remember readin sumtin like this in a tutorial I read on BBoys website.

"If you were a 20 yr old..and you see another 20 yr old...you'd stop..but if you see a 80 yr old..you'd keep goin"
^^See...now think of concepts as pussy...the newer and fresher it is...the more we want it.
So work on your concepts....
and work on the content a bit.You have good wording..but the thing your actually sayin..no.The metas and shit seemed to make no sense...

So...
RTF PLEASE(i know you n tweety ain't big fans of this...but c'mon)
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204095