Aight piece...

The concept was nice but the development of the story was sort of predictable I suppose. You still kinda struggle with your diction in my opinion: some rhyming words didn't work, grammatical errors and I had the feeling some things should've been worded differently. It's no imagery piece so I cannot comment on that but the emotion was there, you said everything the way it is, no real poetic wordings and such. Flow was decent, some lines were bit stretched so might work on that. Vocabulary was on point, the hook was real nice as well...

Keep on writing and elevating!

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