Lyrics…
Your lyrics are pretty basic. For this type of song , it’s expected. Your lyrics are somewhat predictable. Get out of the habit of using common words to end your lines unless you pair them into complex multis. Far/heart … again/friends… No make some multis in your lines. It’ll sound better.

Voice/Presence
Your presence is decent. You need to get more comfortable on the mic. This will come through practice and over time.. The more tracks you make and the bars you memorize from each will help as well..

Emotion/Delivery…
Your delivery is aight for a love song. Sound like you could have been reading a few lines. Memorize your lines before you spit them, it sounds much better. Also your quality is bad. Not just for your mic. But you are putting the actual song over the instrumental for the chorus. Do NOT do that. Search for the accapella then match the chorus portion to the instrumental and mix then down. THEN spit over that. Don’t layer the track like that it don’t sound right. Also with the effects, stop putting that loud ecko at the end of your verses. It sounds really bad. What you should do is record dubs.. This is how it’s done. There’s different ways to do it, but this is what works for me: Record your regular verse, first. Then grab a pair of headphones and playback your verse and spit the dubs (the rhyming portions, normally towards the end of your bars). Then play it back WITH the verse you spit and if they match-up and sound similar, then mix them down.

Flow…
Your flow is all over the place. Stop rushing so much. At some parts you rap real, real slow then you go Twista speed outta no where. Then Slow down and speed up again. But it’s not a smooth transition. You should work at rapping at a steady pace before you attempt going from one way to another.


You have a lot to work on, but I recommend you start with lyrics. You tryna concentrate more on flow but it’s all over the place because your rhyme scheme is bad... One thing I suggest is that you write bars and match the syllable count for them. This is only temporary, but when you get the hang of it, then you can be versatile and make better transitions to rapping fast, then slow again. But for now do the syllable count method. If you got questions on how to do that, then hit me up on AIM if you wish. For mixing, if you want, I can mix your tracks for you. You add a lotta unnecessary stuff to your track.
Make the syllables match up and practice saying it, you’ll see it sounds more smooth. If you don’t match them up identically it don’t matter. Let’s say you have 12 syl on the first one and 13 on the next, it’s alright! Another reason I did this example is to show you what I meant by multis… Yeah the example is not so great but it’s similar to one I gave SPuL… “monopoly” and “no pot fo’ me” are what stands out in this one. The more syllables matched the better the sound on the beat. The first half not as great but “playin games” and “space in pain” is another example. I decided to keep them in two lines than write four separate lines. But you get the point hopefully. Inner rhymes are equivalent sounds, some people mistake them for multis but they lie within the bars (hence the name inner rhymes). But don’t worry bout those, most likely, you’ll end up doing them without recognizing. But try that way, just to see if it works for you.

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