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Bangs like bikini attol
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IP:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Natural killa
Topic was when evil meets good
EVIL
evily prevails wit so many names,is it dick,schmuck,cock or penis?
but it's all the same,cuz it neva hestitates to stop and beat us
when it prances out as if it had feet to attack us like a leech
n perpetually scars you vicously by cocksmacking you on your cheek
while it may be the key to life,it deserves concern as it's a demon in turn
firing and blasting shots rapidly with bullets they call semen or sperm
GOOD
one force that renders futile to stop the evil mister with the whip
which is sometimes also referred to proudly as the sister of the lip
milks the dick givin pleasure in order to function as the passageway of life
n contrary to it's evil counterpart,it's able to masterbate without fight
never bombs the table cuz it remains calm and stable with no bite
knowing the fact dat it's like a puppy rolling on it's back, it neva stikes
WHEN EVIL MEETS GOOD
commences when they get the protection n evil gives the wood an erection
n the process itself is a connection descibed by evil givin good an injection
evil either gets blowed,pumps on top,or lets good be a bull and she rides
conclusion of this act capped off when evil's milked n shoots bullets inside
then the excruiating torment comes when 10 pounds comes out this tiny hole
while evil neglects it and just searches for some hoe to swing off it's giant pole |
Ok first thing that comes to mind is that this is way too stretched in most places and isnt flowing well. I can see youve tried to rhyme more than one word at the end of each line, but your doing it sometimes at the expense of what your trying to get accross in the way your wording shit. You need to be a lot more direct and make your multi syllable rhyming more clean. In its currant state I very highly doubt this is a verse that would sound good being rapped to a beat, you would need to frikken be bone thugs or tonedeff if you wanted to pull off that many syllables. Your style is very textee-ish and I think that youll learn better flow once you start realising your gonna have to actually write & rap your verses to a beat and make it good enough for people to enjoy listening to. I think taking your stuff audio will be a big step forward for you as a writer. You should also stop using the dumb topical battle topics or atleast mold it into a concept that would sound good as a song. You prolly got potential, just need to unlock it.
So start writing lines that are smaller and more to the point, and work on making your rhyme scheme sound more developed with cleaner multi syllable rhyming. Listen to some old eminem stuff (slim shady LP & marshal mathers LP) and try to emulate a comical style kind of like that because I think thats probably the way your mind is geared lyrically judging by your verse written above.
In closing, you need a lot of work.. But being dope will be achievable to you as long as you work your ass off and elevate to an impressive level. |