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Bangs like bikini attol
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IP:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by The Revelation
Me, Myself, or I?
Me? Oh I'm just your average kid living life to the fullest,
With my family of 3 brothers and 3 sisters, I am the 2nd youngest.
My windows are closed and my closet is just neat as can be,
I thought that I lived and breathed in the land of the free?
My clothes are too big and my bed is falling to the floor,
My dog is my alarm clock and beads are my door.
War is nothing but old news since fighting between forces is normal,
I just stay in my room and look into magazines full of models.
My brother waddles into my room, I scream and tell him to leave,
I throw something at him but he just continues being naive.
I wear low cut shirts and short shorts to blend in with my crowd,
I don't listen to the music, I just like to dance and for it to be loud.
I hate being here, I wish that I could just go fly out my window,
But everyday I just sit here, looking at the same American Express symbol.
I am myself, I won't and don't bend to a crowd of strangers,
I wear polka dot pants, Yankees shirt, and a hat for the Rangers.
It don't mean a thing if it don't got that swing,
Diiirty pop, this must be pop. I love Backstreet Boys and Nsync.
I listen to people talk about bling and remember the times where nothing mattered,
There wasn't "flirting" just saying compliments and saying "I'm flattered".
People stare and I act like I don't care, but I do deep inside my chest,
What's left of that fire that once burned and gave me a breath.
Tattered clothes are fine, I'll wear them if I'm comfortable,
I use words like fiddlesticks, vibe, cats, gats, and shizzle.
I stay hip the lingo, but I still enjoy my game of bingo,
Oh if only people said how the felt maybe the world would be easier to live in,
Instead of being stared as if I took back something I had given.
I give a little take a little, you push me and I'll push back,
I'll listen to your country if you will listen to something I can rap.
Backpacks are ok if you are 12 years old and trying to look cool,
School is only for those who don't want to end up looking like fools.
I live for the moment, that will define my home in
Somewhere out where a great city and Rome has been.
When something amazing happens in an instant,
I act like I missed it and keep on life as I was living it.
Sometimes I wish that I could, just go home and cry out,
I WANT SOMETHING MORE! But I am not one to shout.
I take no risks and my life is kinda boring but I keep on going,
Showing people how safe I am and that I can be giving.
Living in this world, isn't always for me,
Wish they had mentioned love and life, but no one cared to warn me.
What do these people have in common? They are all something in you,
You do what people say sometimes and sometimes feel like saying fuck you too.
There are times people want to be different or want to be safe in their bubble,
Rubble all around them, and wish to sing a praise when there's trouble.
The key to success is balance, and how to avoid needing to lie,
Not making the personalities separate, I mean why....
Do we need to act to please people when really we all try,
To live this lie and deny, that in everyone exists a Me, Myself, and I. |
Big problem from the very start, the way you have worded a lot of your lines is very simple and almost as if your writing a childrens story with rhymes. This is your main problem.. I think that you have probably been doing a lot of internet topical battles, which is making your writing techniques for raps fall off big time.. I noticed your flow gets choppy aswell at some points and needs to develop more before youll be able to make good sounding rap tracks. Same thing as the dude before you with the rhymes, a lot of your stuff uses very simple and small doses of multi syllable rhyming and wouldnt really compete if you were compared to someone who can put together really good strings of multis. If this is some of the best stuff your style is producing at the moment, I think youll need to elevate before you can step up and make music that will have any hope of selling. You have a hard style to critique lyrically because like the dude before you these are topical battle verses and dont really compare to the content of a song.... What you need to work on though, is making your lyrics sound more mature and better developed.. You need to get a good sense of rhythem and work with better matched syllable counts or timing in your lines.. Thats something rapping and writing to a beat more often will help you with 10 fold..
In closing.. You probably have potential aswell, but you just seem to have the wrong idea of how to make an entertaining or properly thought provoking peice at the moment. Which is basically being held back by the way you approach subjects in this story type manor.. You also told the reader what cloathes you were wearing a few too many times like that really effected your story.. |