hmm i liked your imagery it really kept me reading, but i think your emotion could be upped some more, stucture and flow was very good nice and solid good job wit that. creativty was low vocabulary could be upped a lil bit and you could use some multiples in there, just the way my style is but for the imagery just really the story was good and thats what kept the piece together, not your best but its still a very very good piece. keep doin ya thing man maybe add some internal multiples in there next time

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