Im'admit I lied in my first post.let me give you a honest break down.
get rid of these things //// ,they make your peice harder to read.
Try not to write in slang or shortneded format. If your saying the write the not da.
try keep your bar length the same syllable length. A bar is two lines in text. That will even out yoru flow and keep the reader more interested.
Keep your bar's around 10-11 words. that shoudl bring a even flow thru your entire drop.
Find a more solid topic and write in a detailed yet interesting form. Try find emotion in yoru peice. make the reader really feel what you are saying. This might come easier if you use a character in your peice with a story line. then people can feel what the character is goign thru.
Vocab needs to be betetr, this will help with imagery aswell. If your vocab level is upped the new words you use will bring some imagery to your peice.
This is ok for a keystyle.but keystyles dont really get attention. you need to put some effort into a solid drop and get peopel to recognise you lyrical and writing ability.
sometimes centring your peice may help the reader read thru it easier and also make you structure more desirable.
This is summin new that is bein writtin
its like a new knife thas jus been glistened
not even lookin at tha blade, cuz the suns rays reflect
off this new piece that has neva been neglected
i b walkin round tha bball court, seein ppl i kno i be gettin daps of respect
and since imma be leavin home 2 tha states im feelin a seensation of regret
and later in my life when im done wit college, imma go back to tha place i'll neva forget
im walkin along tha road, wit a couple of friends, hitchin into town
down here, in this parta the USVI No need for violence, nada sigle round sounded
man, it sucks when parents n kids yell and tha kids bein grounded
cuz not bein able 2 go out is like bein trapped inna cage, which i've founded
truly hard 2 be in, not bein able 2 go out n experience
but o well looks like tha jus how it is.
-Ysd@-