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Old 09-19-05, 09:49 PM   #5
Untraceable
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Voted For: Mystic Chaos

blah this is a close one....but you pulled it off

okay here is the breakdown

barr-
you had a good verse.......structure needed some work but i dont find it that nbig a deal in topicals....you had some aiight imagry in there but it coulda been stronger at points to get the ocuring moments across better.....you had very good flow and it was a good read....i like the story you portrayed....but i felt you lacked in emotion and some vocab....excessive vocab isnt needed but you coulda used a lil more......and as far as emotion you coulda made some parts more effective if you had more emotion in them....thats why you didnt get this battle.....topicals are mainly focused on emotion in my thoughts cuz it gives you that extra bit to like/relate to the story more

mystic-
okay you had pretty decent structure but i said its not a biggie to me in topicals....but yeah your flow was good as well......you had some good imagry in your verse but it lacked in some where it woulda helped.......you had very good vocab......not ttoo much but enough to help in the win.........you also had lots of emotion going around in your verse......which is a big in topicals...as i explained......i noticed a similie or two in there as well...so it added to your story.......at first i was a lil iffy about who would get the win cuz your story is a bit confusing and the ending is kinda odd.....but its effective in a way but i felt the ending coulds been better....it was abrupt and unexpected which is nice....but to me it didnt go too well with your story but ending or not you got the win for havin more aspects of emotion....vocab....and a smiilie in your verse......

you both did a good job......but mystic just pulled ahead with the win mainly cuz of emotion.....

best of luck to the both of you
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