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1926
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IP:
This Kind Of Disapointed Me Man.
In The Begining You Start With:
'Distinctive sunsine glistening in my eye its fine
Terrible glare at that, reach my watch for the time'
Wich Was Real Nice, Dope Imagery
... But Then You Go Off In Every Wich Way Possible.
Throwing In All Kinds Of Contradicting Statements And Out Of Place Storyline.
It Seemed Like The Majority Of The Piece Was Build To Flow,
Rather Than Uphold A Deeper Meaning And Be The Support Of A Higher Content.
This Piece Isnt Even A Poem,
It's More Of A Topical Piece With Poetic Elements.
Like The Line I Quoted Above About The Watch And Shit,
Those Are Sequencial Events, Wich Isnt Really A Focus Of Poetry.
Poetry Is More About Slowing Down Sequence,
Then Breaking Down Every Individual Element Of It Into Detailed Emotions.
But I'd Really Like You To Write An Actually Poem,
I Think That You You Didnt Focus On Flow,
And Just Reached For Emotion And Imagery It Would Be Impressive.
So, I'll Be Waiting For That Man.
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