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1926
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IP:
Eeeeeeh, I Wasnt Really Feeling It Man.
It Was Lacking Alot,
And Through Out I Just Had This Feeling Like You Tried So Hard To Be Deep...
So The Piece Just Feels Very Unnatural.
I Get The 'My Life Is Hard'... 'Borderline Insane',
But For A Topic That Is So Frequently Dont Alot More Should Have Put Into This.
It Lacked Imagery, It Really Had None At All...
Emotion, Again To Me It Seemed Very Artificial And I Didnt Really Feel You.
I Took Everything In And Proccessed It But I Didnt Pick Up Your Thoughts Really...
I Just Saw The Words And Was Left Without Heart In The Read.
And You Said It Wasnt Meant To Rhyme,
But Almost All The Lines Did And It Seems You Through Away Content At Times To Make It Rhyme.
'cost is a cost to be bought
i'd rather stop what i'm doin and rot
rather within or not'
Like That ^^^, Come On Now...
That Just Barely Makes Any Sense Once So Ever.
You Also Had ALOT Of Type-o's.
Little Careless Erros Like For Get An 's' That Makes Something Plural,
Or Simple Spelling Error...
Wich Is An Easy Fix, Just Run A Spell Check And Re-Read Next Drop.
But Ya, Not My Favorite Piece...
But I've Seen You Do Better And I'm Looking Forward To Another Drop Man,
I Wanna See You Using Some Of These Forgotten Elements Next Time.
Get That Imagery In There, Up The Emotion...
AND RHYME SCHEME LAST!!!
Its So Insignificant Its Not Even Funny,
So Dont Ever Through Away Substance For The Sake Of It.
Stay Up And Keep Writing Man.
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