Structure kinda threw me off in the beginning because you poured so much into one line. Maybe divide it a bit better next time.

That however does not affect the content of the piece. It may not be traditional, vague poetry but it portrays a clear message. You used rather basic wordings but this expressed a pure yet direct message saying how much the person shall be missed and such. The emotion was present without a doubt, maybe there might have been a bit more images to go along with the emotion. You opened up about a tricky subject in fact but one to which many can relate of course.

Keep writing!

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