im sorry, but i didnt like this one bit
that hook at the begining was awful, youre basically repeating the same line over and over until the last one, theres no creativity..

which is basically the theme for the rest of the piece as well
i really didnt find very much creativity in it
it just bored me, no heavy lines at all...jus some mediocre descriptions
your vocab needs to be upped like a mahfucka, cause everything in here was real simple, and i found the "bigger" words in the piece were used at the wrong time.
flow is pretty off, if you turned this into an audio it would sound horrible..

only thing i liked was structure, but thats really not saying much
ehh honestly, id say you need some work....but w/e you tried so props for that.

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