Voted For: Paroxysm

My self esteem is dropping, I shudder under this open light...
My silent scream is stopping, thunder shouting no hope in sight...
The clock was ticking, slowly remiding me of my own misery...
All's I have left is my pride, and the rest of me is just history...these lines were alright nice flow

...Pride...

The word echoes, spinning tranquil voices into my visions...
The reason I don't end it now, barrier of regretfull decisions...
The dirt around my feet reminds me of everything I have...
The knife in my back shows me how nobody will understand...
The rags on my shoulders sends a message from my family...
Their words slowly damage me, why do I have to be a tragedy..? -exemplary 4 lines
My bare feet are covered in glass, as I walk on burning coals...
But if I had lossed everything you wouldn't see this hurting soul...

...Breakin' My Balls For Somethin' That's Great...
...It's Makin' Me Fall And It's Somethin' I Hate...

The words of my own song pound my face relentlessly...
The rain pouring down on my pride is falling so endlessly...
But no matter what happens...I will find a way to survive...
You can take my clothes, my body...but you wont take my pride...-nice ending

I like it how it is very dark but at the end you show signs of optimism.

"The charity that hastens to proclaim its good deeds, ceases to be charity, and is only PRIDE and ostentation." - William Hutton

At the pub alone seated unfocused from Tequila,
Held a shaggy wallet picture of her... I miss you Sheila
Diluted with intoxicants impairing my brain
I hunch depressed swept the shot glasses out of my way-nice imagery
Although I knew of what became that made us broken in bond
These memories we shared together now were shattered and gone-very nice
Beside the glass reflected scene aside the window I sat
Scanned the city nights recallin' where we use to be at
On the corner... right there... on 23rd and Sycamore
That's where I gathered bravery confessin love metaphors-a work of art to this point but the next part sort of ruins it (you don’t need to say sex to express your love)
To my bed.. held together lovin, sex on the floor
I reflected back the visions of affection we poured
Enamored deeply... I stood to pay my drink and then left
Into the streets humming barely ventilating a breath
My broken english was drowned with leery slurs in my speech
My arms extended hoping balance would be seen in my reach-very nice but very depressing b/c the fact that he is drunk by himself illustrates the ominous situation
Thru the streets I descended huddled deep in my coat
Till a noise awoke me sober to what seemed to be known
Out about along the alley some steps ahead of me
I peeked the corner to find that I dropped my Hennessey
An adolescent teen screamin was grasped in the lips
By some middle age Hispanics yappin native tongue shit
In a struggle, she slipped to find them sittin on top
This girl was uncontainable to let her panties get dropped-good use of juxtaposition
I froze witness to thinkin this unfortunate event
Stood emotionally clutched to see honey get bent
To my own intimidation as i stared with no act
I had no use of offense to make these neguhz retract
Then I ran thru a thought of somethin tragic to seek
What if my girl was the one they tried to take in the street-I like how you alluded to your girlfriend. You’re a great story teller—reminds me of Immortal Technique
To perform brute intentions, violate her morale
With reaction to that thought... I instantly went wild
In pursuit I charged... took one to the ground
Three swings aside his skull and he ceased to make sound
The other came attackin, and wielded a knife
Jumped upon to shank my heart jeopardizing my life-nice change of events:
In a struggle I laid held tight to his wrist
While he clutched to push his effort with the knife in his fist
I glared at the sparkle... the blade to my face
Losin' strength to hold my life closing fast in its pace-damn!!!
Suddenly... somethin shattered and soon as I blinked
He fell on top of me aside with some alcoholic drink
Soaked upon me and him.. with fragments of glass
The adolescent teen struck him... and his conscious went past
But as I raised myself.. pain struck on my chest
I felt the crushing sensation of his knife on my breast
I froze gettin shivers... I was losing much blood
The girl yelled out for help.. my hands graspin on mud (48)-nice man


I dug.. inside my pocket... the picture I took
Held my honey soaked in blood.. and took 1 last look
Then I croaked... at the adolescent... touched on her chin
Placed the photo on her hands....





...my life came to an end.



(From a distant.. the teen covers her face with the photo in her hand crying.... as the heroic teen lays... dead... and a image of a broken Hennessey bottle dripping steadily and slowly into a gutter as the scene fades out.)






End.

Paroxysm took this one because his imagery was exemplary, the way he told his story was amazing-great use of contrasts, and very profound and interesting to read as it leaves the reader on the edge of the seat. Great job.

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