multis are solid, emotion is thick. nice over all peice.

bit of crit

take time to go back thru your peice and use descriptive words or adjective's at the start of lines

for instance...

gracefully stand surrounded & hounded with peers I've known for years ...
awkwardlly each day I wander home to my Grandmother's unyeilding tears
emtionally shovel my fears so I can inhale the stale poisen from my boy's an'
... Uphold my riddled poise above the clouds of toxic ridden joy's ...


The words I have used my not fir into the peice,cuase im unsure of your thoughts while writing it, but replacing words like I with a emotion or action can up the level of your writting instantly.

I notice you did start to do it thru out, but alot more thought and time into your peices and they will be dope

rtf in my latest open mic near the top somewere.

peace.