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Old 11-24-05, 01:06 AM   #24
50Cal.
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
 
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o.k first off feedback is meant to help someone elevate so look for the small problems so someone can reach perfection.hence why i always give honest feedback.this was good above averge even but a 10/10?no no and no to see examples of a 10/10 check out invisions work.anyways vocab is good but overdone it loses the reader and therefore makes it difficult to follow along.with vocab its tricky you gotta make that balance just right try to concentrate less on big words and more on imagery.the big words seemed forced and also hurt your syllabel count making this a decent poetry drop but something that would never flow correctly to a beat.overall this was like i said above averge by rv standards and preety much a well thought out piece.i personally enjoyed it but feel it needs a little more work before being completed.try lenghthing it as well for a more overall factor to draw the reader into it.
6.5/10
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