Hmmmm, somewhat of a cryptic write. I got that the kid was in the hospital, and he felt that is life was becoming somewhat hopeless and the only way to make something of his life is to dream it so? Lol maybe, i'm not entirely sure. But I didnt really like this... And not because you really LACKED something, but more so because you werent consistant with the poems better moments.

One thing I really didnt like here was house this really walked that fine line of Topical/Poetry, and often crossed over into what would be considered a topical piece. The way I define poetry is, the art of emotions tangibility... Topicals on the other hand are about telling a sequencial story while poetry can HAVE story, but ultimately should be about describing the feelings about what's going on. And in my opinion this piece was alittle to much story. Which sucks because when you did really get into your imagery and poetic elements the product was beautiful, I just wish you had done that the entire piece.

So ya, was really all over this. But you did have some decent poetic elements, solid structure, little rhyme scene which is just alittle bonus. But ya maybe next time just work on focusing on description and feelings more so then a storyline. Because you could have done this same storyline with lots of description... It would have just become a much longer poem.