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Old 12-04-05, 02:29 AM   #2
Germ
in your system
 
Posts: 7,619
From: Adanac
IP:

hmmm cool story boys, i was feeling it...two things i didn't like that just stood out: kein, you spelt late wrong in your last line...and i didn't like the use of H20 in the piece, ehh, seemed outta place

but overall, awesome, such vivid storytelling...usually i dont like longer lines in a piece, but they were so descriptive and intriguing, it really worked.


here's some lines i liked


On an unfair scale he'd weigh us, and spoke with persuasive Soothing Rain and Quiet Thunder.
Past this facade developed by a fraud, he was a kid playing with toys, eyes bright with wonder

Noah examined the boy bursting “Are you a true Christian?” pummeled with grief,
The battered child replied “Saving one’s life should not have to do with belief!”

wordness, keep up to both, enjoyable read,
The ocean and his village merged into a catastrophe, but he sees a figure standing
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