you need some work, kiddo.

first off - your flow sucks and gets thrown of due to lack of at least basic multies.. this also makes the drop more enjoyable as a whole to read.

second off - your entire rhyme scheme seems elementary to me... either that, or just kinda whack.. wording is shitty, and usually the punch or meta is equally as such.. try some more complexity in your wording, i don't mean just huge words and bullshit... but try to interest us, and make us want to read more as we continue.

keep it up,

uno.