the piece had an abstract flow
had ill content and imagery was illy at the beginnin
the dividin in sections was coo

Equipped with firearms to destroy intruders, unable to be seen
Cloaking ability offered as a tribute to my life being swept clean
Armor implanted over my flesh, so battlewounds wont do damage
Nitrious Oxidide presented, fastly moving w/out crashing..ill manage
Peripheral Vision annointed site seeing will elevate my kill count
Predicting a world take over, body pile ups deserted in big mounts
^sick vocab, and nice content

thewhole piece kept my attention
i think u coulda threw a more complex rhyme scheme and still managed to get ur point across.....i no how it is to use an abstract flow...u can pack more concentration on content that way and u did it well, i think just a tad more rhyme scheme woulda helped the read go more fluidly, yet still hold the content

keep the pen writing

`1

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