This piece is not godly but well done.

I agree w/ D.Z about the opener but following, your imagery and emotion got much stronger.

A child born, ill willed and ignored
whos dad has been on a 2 year trip
to the grocery store

^ I felt that the most in your piece. I was like "wow, that shit really happens too".

Overall this piece could be better. You had good vocab, but the flow of it was off. Your imagery and emotion was there but, not as heart felt as it could have been.

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- Chryme Syndicate -

so
- S T F U -