Lol ya dont worry, Im just gonna assume any one from the responce council has responded to atleats 2 pieces.

This piece was, eh... Lol a first piece. The structure was the first thing that I didnt like. If you want to center you piece like that, then try and even up the lines so that on line isnt small and the other double the size of the last. Another thing, the rhyme scheme, it's probally one of the most unneccissary thing you could have, and to me it seemed like you tried really hard to have all the lines rhyme. But what also happend was is that you held the same rhyme sequence for awhile in the beginning and as result of that you repeated alot of the same words, just rephrased slightly. So in the end there were some nice metaphors and such but wwwwwwaaaaay to much repitition and structural issues for me. Keep at it though.