Eeeeeeeeh... This piece would have made for a better topical if you threw some more rhyme scheme in. But as a poem I think that this just wasnt emotional enough. It haaad emotion, dont get me wrong... You did have SOME, nice emotion, but it was just overshadowed by the intence literal descriptions. Even maybe if you used more metaphors and poetic techniques rather then just blunt descriptions I would have liked it more. But I dont know... The whole time reading through this, although it lacked the rhyme, I just couldnt get past the thought that I felt this should really just be an OM. Because it achieved the goals required to create a beautiful OM... But lacked the emotion and clever description to really be concidered a poem. Thank you for posting though, stay active.