hmmmm...... i've seen lots of pieces like this, but i believe urs was original.... i think it could've been far more creative, since ur concept/topic was so broad..... i lke how u ended it, that really suprised me, bcuz i didn't get the point or purpose of it until the very end, then i was kinda feelin it..... be careful not to let the rhyme scheme control u, for u are the rtist, and can do what u want with it..... that's all i've got to say, good piece, especially for your first...... keep writin playa.......

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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
-Konchance

my poetry:
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