first of all, i just have to say...some of the vocab seemed too forced, but overall, this was an interesting read, and quite well done, for the most part. here's a couple lines i liked

Roaming terrestrial realms, seldom resting my head at nightfall

I jot blueprints within the sanctuary of my innermost notions

first bar of the second verse was cool too...i uno, i didnt really like it too much, the concentration of the topic...i felt like the connection you were trying to make, wasn't there, between religious and modern day happenings, i duno, i dont think you were precise enough, i think you spent too much on vocab, although , i did enjoy reading this, but maybe if there was another verse...i unno, don't get me wrong, you have skill, but i think you may have focused too much on the vocabulary aspect, instead of presenting your storyline, but still good, keep writing

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