This was pretty cool, it may sound betta once u record it. And like Drakel said u got a lot of stupid but funny things in their. U might wanna take those out and add something a lil more serious in it, but thats just a suggestion. U also might wanna add more multies in places. Some lines that i liked were:

supplyin that dope line without touchin cocaine

all my people salute me/gangstar ur just a groupie!
im the general & my enemy wouldnt even shoot me

write ill rhymes, make u read between the lines
and all u see'n is a middle finger in its prime

I thought those were pretty nice. But keep up the work man aight. i'd give this a 7/10, like i said it might be betta if u record it. Please return the favor on my om called Runnin'. Thanks and Peace.