The direction and content itself wasnt bad... But you're structure and approach was alittle blah at times. Overall it was a pretty simple piece which is fine, but not when it teters into the relm of foolish. How it started with 'Stop stop stop'... It made it sound more like a childrens song the way it repeated. The other thing I really didnt like was the 'Switch up' line in the middle of the poem to show the changing of times. You have potential to be a good writer its just right now you're writing very childishly. I never really get and intellectual vibe from reading your pieces and it makes you look bad. To help that, try and use some vocabulary and thought provoking lines. I mean, you dont even really need vocab... You could sound like a genius is you put the basic into propper form. So I mean, either elevate your vocab or think of creative and intellectual ways to arrange your material.

(PS, I'll write you a poem if I can get a pic )