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Old 01-13-06, 05:54 PM   #21
Germ
in your system
 
Posts: 7,619
From: Adanac
IP:

i liked this, although i think it coulda been more effective without the vulgar profanity, but whatever, it was nice, some lines seemed outta place though, good multies, which made it flow nice, although i think some vocab was forced, even though it was fitting, it still abrupted the flow....so, handle your words a little better, come more concise, and you should be fine, keep up
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