Nice Drop Bone........I Agree WIth Mentalz.....

This Had A Bunch Of Nice And Well Placed Multies But You Punctuation Hindered It From Being Read As You May Have Wanted It. Also, Try Not To Place A Small Sentence At The End Of Your Lines......Ex. the door slams shut on my left im prayin God please that bolded part cuts your flow and makes it be that choppy line to make your whole peace seem like it could have flowed better. Your description needs to go more into depth, showing the reader what it is your tryin to portay. Also you tried too hard to make it rhyme at points that you lost me, made me think, what does this have to do with the story......well that's my advice, return the favor homie.......keep it up man, you got a lot of potential

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