What an ironic dillemma I'm in//
it seems I'm allergic to my own skin//
sitting in my room coughing and weezing//
stumbling out the door while im gasping while struggling breathing//
just realizing my flesh//
will be the reason for my death//
waking up at three in the morning//
my body steered by my endless mourning//
quickly gaining pain and losing faith//
craving a spliff but sipping and eighth//
steadily poisoning myself//
staring at the many pictures lining my shelf//
portraits of happiness along with ignorance and lies//
in reality my soul is living but everyday a piece dies//
continuing to disbeleive but ashamed of my blasphemy//
how can I love a God who no longer cares for me?//
I'm told I should be greatful of my spoils//
more fragrances than Nefertiri had scented oils//
im only sixteen years old//
but with a hate for life and my religion so bold//
"Nejla at least you're alive//
get an education because for perfection you must strive"//
suffocated by my own greed//
snatching what I want, taking for granted what I need//
surprised by my virginity//
such a sexual person infused with pure naivety//
yet always denying a nigga get inside me//
falling in lovew with a man who's younger//
yet surpassing me because he's wiser and stronger//
watching the burning sun rise//
all the while contemplating my own demise//
he's doing his best to assure me I have a purpose//
although his words make sense his logic seems worthless//
staring in the mirror hating all my features and my flaws/
the shape of my eyes the contour of my jaw//
the curve of my hips//
softness of my skin and lips//
feeling even uglier after pretty niggas throw compliments//
I'm so fucked up in the head//
motionless listening to Illmatic lying in my bed//
I'm falling too fast and giving my heart to too many people//
making them love me then hating them revealing my evil//
wishing that I had One Love//
but Life's A Bitch and the only exctacy is above//
hating it when my mom cries//
yet letting her know I'm plotting my demise//
increaseing her flowing tears//
while she's voicing her fears//
I'm holding my pain in my spirit//
'cause none of my "friends" can be bothered to hear it//
hating the world now more than ever//
aware that the day I find happiness is never//
befriending thugs and bastards in the slums//
deep voices and dangerous smoothness offering to make me cum//
they continue making gestures trying to catch my eye//
being slick staring at my breasts trying to touch my thigh//
I'm wishing I was stronger while letting herb numb the pain//
'cause life is parrallel to hell and i can't maintain//
it's a struggle always trying to hide my hate//
Allah and Satan in my soul about my destiny they debate//
got me wondering if I'm to be consumed by flames//
if Hell is my destination then no point in holding back my pain//
let my anger cause fear in those know my name...

__________________
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